Aversion.

I don't want to start this blog on a sad note, but I can't help it. Blogging has been a venue for me to release my emotions, and being the emo girl that I used to be (or at least I believe I am done with being that), I turn my anger, frustrations, bitterness, and pain into a string of words.

Today is not an exception. To start off, I am extremely infuriated and hurt. But being a traditional doormat, I just stay silent and pretend that I am okay. To keep things from being worse. To keep and protect the respect I have to those who have hurt me. I can never fight this battle, because if I do, that means I would have to spend my entire life in solitude.

Okay, enough of the vagueness.

I'm talking about my mother (and my father, too, even if he didn't really say anything). Ever since I started being part of the corporate world, they have been extremely mean and hurtful. The reason: money. How do I put this delicately, they want to get their share of my paychecks. That is not a bad thing, really, because it is just normal that you give back to your folks. However, they do this extortion-style. They say really mean things before or after I give them what they want. And mean is an understatement.

I have had enough of their emotional beating. Honestly, what I want to do right now is pack my stuff and leave for good. But I won't do that. Because I don't want to make things worse. Because I want to retain the peace between us (if there is any). Because I still want to be their daughter and I still love them even if I hate them so much at this point.

I don't want to give people the impression that my folks are monsters and villains and evils. But that's what I see from them right now. It's not healthy, I know. And I hope things get better soon.

Because the solution to this recurring problem is simple. If only they could lower their expectations and accept that I have a life too, then everything will be in their rightful place.

I also hope to post more positive things in my new blog after this.
Because I am already moving on.
Forgive me for this.