Crack.

I was (as usual) surfing the net when I found myself reading a bunch of e-mails filed under a folder named "Crack", which happened to be a series of love letters in e-mail form between the lover and me when were kids (I mean, when we weren't 23 yet. It's hard to track how young we were when we first started exchanging those kind of e-mails and how old we were when we stopped.) My bestfriend would have tugged my hair if she found out I did this, but yeah, I once again returned to my masochistic self. Booo.

It's funny what I felt, reading those e-mails. I have to admit I felt sad (and hurt) reading about how intense his feelings were for me before. At the same time I couldn't help but laugh reading how CORNY, CHEESY, and ugh, BADUY we used to be. So yeah, I was laughing and sobbing at the same time. I'm crazy like that.

It's interesting how the concept of "forever" is etched on every letter. It's funny, actually, that we used to believe in things like that. Ugh. It's also amusing how much time has changed us since then. Well, I've become even more beautiful than ever, ehem (pagbigyan niyo na). Though I can't say the same for him. Okay, yeah maybe he got hotter too, but I'm supposed to be bitter so I'd have to probably take that back. Heh. But seriously, I have grown up, judging from those e-mails. I can honestly say that I am now matured enough, and wise enough to let relationships come and go, and accept that it's just the way it is.

But some things didn't change in the past years, and that includes me being here still. I have experienced the best and the worst, the sweetest times, the most difficult ones. And I'm still here. I used to think that the lover has already done the worst of the worst things on me already, that there is nothing that he could do to hurt me anymore. But, it turns out he can actually do so much more.

Well, I wanted to say bring it, because I am not afraid.

But on second thought, yeah. Maybe it's now time to change my mind. Wow, after ten years, seeing things clearly for the first time isn't that bad. I know it sucks, but who'd ever imagine there's a bright side to getting dumped?