Obligatory year-end self-assessment.

A coffee date with my best friend turned out to be a productive night. Embedded in the discussions about politics--LOLJK, seriously--the heart vs. the hypothalamus, the behaviorist theory of learning, wishes, and chismis, are lessons learned, and lessons waiting to be learned.

For the first time in a long time, I actually cared about the future. I care about the future enough that it scares me just thinking about it. Thus, the need to make this post--an obligatory year-end self-assessment post.

As my friends know, I don't really plan my life. I follow the aphorism "Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero (Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future)," doing what I want impulsively and not caring about the aftermaths. Perhaps, the only important question I ask myself before doing anything is "will it make me happy now?" And if the answer is yes, I wouldn't waste another moment, I'd immediately jump with my eyes closed. To hell with tomorrow and its consequences.

(The only thing I actually think long and hard about is my outfit for the next day, honestly. Only to wake up with another ensemble in mind.)

Anyway. I can't remember how long I've lived that way, or why. I can't even count the bad things (understatement) that happened to me because of the hundreds of impulsive decisions I've made. It has been too long; I've been too stubborn to care, too foolish to think.

Until now. At this moment.

(Of course, "at this moment" is relative because the time I wrote this is different from the time you read it. LOL why am I even explaining--anyway)

I don't know where I'm going and it scares me.
Or, I do know exactly what will happen and I'm just too stubborn to accept the real deal.

Help?